Monday, September 26, 2022
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Russia Invades Britain

Russian birds. If they quack, send them back.

In response to the invasion of Ukraine, Russian news providers have been censored. This is because, unlike most other events in history, this story has only one side and so different perspectives are not needed. Furthermore, many supermarkets have stopped selling Russian vodka. The International Feline Federation has banned the importation of cats from Russia. A well-known price comparison website has stopped showing its adverts starring Alexey the Russian meerkat. However, these measures do not go far enough.

Every year, thousands of Russian birds migrate to the UK. These invasive, aggressive species must be stopped. Russian birds do not have the same values as British ones and the fact that they eat worms that could be eaten by British birds demonstrates that the rule of law means nothing to them. Many nests around the UK are in fact owned by these Russian birds, and yet the government does nothing about this scandal. At the very least, NATO must create a no-fly zone for this avian menace.

It’s not clear what these sinister Russian geese and swans are up to, but there is little doubt who is behind it all: Vladimir Putin.

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